The Gods Hate Me
by CeCdancer
Summary: Hiccup is forced to take the Ancestral Test, which was taken by his father, his grandfather, and all the chiefs preceding him. The thing is, this test is more of a physical test, rather then a mental one. (Previously "Doomed")
1. The Ancestral Test

_Welcome to my new story!_

_Since I am currently very stressed right now, and I have a three-day weekend, I figured I should right about a character feeling as stressed out as me. (Although what Hiccup will go through is much more dangerous than applications, of course)._

_Before you read this story, anyone who is following any of my other stories should read the following messages. If you are new to my story/stories, you can skip straight down to the writing._

_1\. Promises are overrated. Jokes aside, I am not going to kill off any of my running stories. If you were wondering._

_2\. My life is very hectic right now, and my free time is very limited. I dance about 30 hours a week, and I have to mix in school, homework, etc all together._

_3\. Between a sequel to How to Help a Friend, How to Please a Jorgenson, Quit Pressuring Me! (I need to finish this one), That's Enough!, The Rivalry, and Watching the Series, I will probably only be able to work on a couple of them for the next few months. Which ones? I honestly have no idea._

_Thanks for sticking with me, and in the meantime, I give my new (test) story!_

* * *

"Argg! I can't believe this!" Hiccup wheezed, pulling at his hair.

"What's the matter with him?" Tuffnut asked.

"I was just thinking the same, exact thing…" Ruffnut said, raising her eyebrows.

The teens were gathered along the docks, where they were _supposed_ to be planning their next flying lesson…

"How can he do this to me?!" Hiccup yelled, slamming his prosthetic down onto the ground.

"How can who, do what?!" Tuffnut asked, "Is this a riddle? Because I hate riddles…"

(Huffing and puffing, Gobber ran down to the group)

"Oi, laddie! Your father's just told me the news! I'm so happy for you!" he exclaimed, thumping the teen on the back. Hard.

Hiccup staggered forwards and groaned, "Gobber!" he snapped, rubbing his sore spot.

"Can someone _please_ tell me what is going on!" Snotlout huffed.

"You mean he hasn't told you yet? Hiccup! It is a great honor to take the test of Chief-hood!" Gobber exclaimed.

"Gobber!" Hiccup sighed, face palming.

"You get to take the test of Chief-hood? You mean, the Ancestral Test?! That's like, the most ancient form of testing in the world! I would give anything to take it!" Snotlout exclaimed, "And become chief..." he added.

Fishlegs piped in, "Except for the overnight survival on a deserted island…or the trek through the Thornvine mountains…or the—"

"Fishlegs," Astrid shushed, "Wow! That's…amazing! I'm so happy for you!" she said, plastering a smile on her face.

"You can drop the act, Astrid," Hiccup deadpanned.

"Fine," Astrid said, rolling her eyes, "But come on, it can't be that bad, can it?"

"That's not necessarily true, you see, I've read in the History of Berk, that many people have died in this test, and the ones that do pass it come out as a totally different person…" Fishlegs blabbered.

Hiccup's knees started to shake, "Thank you, Fishlegs," Astrid sighed, "Look, Hiccup, we'll help you prepare for it, won't we guys?"

"Yeah! I'm up for making Hiccup's life totally miserable!" Tuffnut whooped.

Astrid sighed, "That's not what I…oh, forget it."

Hiccup sighed, "Astrid, the test is in a month. I can't possibly be ready to take a test that my dad, and not to mention, **all of the other chief's**, barely passed! I'll be dead within the first hour!"

"Nah…" Snotlout said, "More like, the first ten minutes."

Everyone glared at him, "Fine, fine…" he said, "Sorry, that was thoughtless of me…I meant to say five minutes," he grinned.

"See! I might as well start writing my will now!" Hiccup groaned.

"Ooh! Ooh! I call Toothless!" Tuffnut said.

"Hey! How come you get Toothless and not me? We're twins!" Ruffnut snapped.

"So?" Tuffnut challenged, sticking his face into his sister's.

"Cheer up lad, a month is plenty of time to prepare!" Gobber said, (why he was still there, no one knew) "I'm sure with the help of your friends, you'll be ready to take the challenging, deadly, nearly-impossible—"

"Thank you, Gobber," Astrid said, rubbing Hiccup's shoulder.

Noticing his former apprentice's green face, Gobber clamped his mouth shut and nodded his head, "Well…I'll just be going then," he said, "Have a nice day!" he grinned, sprinting towards the Great Hall.

Snotlout leaned towards the twins, "Because who knows how many he'll have left," he snickered.

Astrid grit her teeth, "Fishlegs, you said you'd read the History of Berk…is there a walk-through of the test in there?"

Fishlegs visibly shivered, "Oh yes, but I couldn't get past the first page of the first chief," he said.

Hiccup groaned and crouched onto the ground, "Why does this always happen to me…" he sighed.

"We'd love to answer that for you-" Ruffnut started.

"-But we can't," Tuffnut finished.

Astrid shook her head in annoyance, "Fishlegs, go get that book, we need to start the preparations right away," she said.

Fishlegs gave a salute, and then ran off.

"I don't want to read some book! Hookfang and I are out of here!" Snotlout said, turning around: to see the ocean.

The twins snickered.

"For Odin's sake…" Snotlout grumbled, turning back towards the teens.

Astrid hid a grin, "Ruff, Tuff, find as many obstacles as you can, I don't care what they are," she said.

The twin's eyes went wide.

"Wait, so you want us, to go find weird stuff, and bring it back here?" Tuffnut asked.

"I believe so," Astrid said.

"Finally! I've been dreaming of this day!" Ruffnut said dreamily.

"Me too, sis! Last one to the Thorston dump is a rotten dragon egg!" Tuffnut egged on.

"You're on!" Ruffnut yelled, as the twins took off.

"...Thornston dump?" Hiccup asked, perplexed.

Astrid sighed, "I don't think I want to know."

"You're letting the twins find deadly stuff, and you're not even going to let me—" Snotlout started.

"Snotlout, you're going to figure out the perfect places for Hiccup to practice for the test," Astrid cut in.

Snotlout was silent, "…YES! At your service!" he shouted, jumping on Hookfang.

Or rather, into the ocean.

Snotlout surfaced the water, sputtering, "Odin damn it, Hookfang! I'll get you for this!" he shouted.

As Hiccup and Astrid left Snotlout fuming on his own, a particular Monstrous Nightmare (perched on the top of a cliff) couldn't help but think just how clever and funny he truly was.

And as a reward, he decided to…take a nap; lulled by the sweet music of his rider's anger.

This, Hookfang decided, was much better than Valhalla itself.

* * *

_This will be a fun, laid-back, story that I will update when the time seems right._

_I hope you enjoyed my newest edition to How to Train Your Dragon stories, and there will hopefully be many more to come!_

_(As soon as I have finished all of my other stories, of course)._

_In dedication to the end of peace week,_

_Peace Out!_

_-CeCdancer_


	2. Startling Discoveries

If any Viking on Berk were to glance into the training arena at dawn, a couple weeks before the start of winter, they would have seen Fishlegs huddled over one of the oldest, and thickest, books on Berk, muttering to himself as Astrid looked on over his shoulder. They would've seen the twins admiring all of the obstacles they had collected, Snotlout sitting beside Hooking, looking very serious, for once, and, finally, they would've seen Hiccup pacing back and forth, yanking at his-already tangled-hair.

"I got it!" Snotlout suddenly shouted, jumping up in joy.

"Finally got...what?" Hiccup asked, finally pausing.

"Where we can train you for the Ancestral Test!" he beamed.

Hiccup crossed his eyes, "Thank you, for spelling that out," he sighed, plopping down next to Toothless.

Toothless cooed and looked at Hiccup worriedly. He was used to his human stressed, but never _this_ stressed. Toothless licked Hiccup's face, hoping for a positive reaction, but not getting one.

"Good going Snotlout," Astrid said.

"What?! YOU told me to think of a place, so I did!" he retorted.

"You didn't have to be so blunt about it!" Astrid seethed.

"Guys?" Fishlegs muttered.

"It shouldn't matter! I would give anything to take this test and be chief!" he yelled.

"Guys..." Fishlegs said.

"The only reason you would take the test would be to become chief!"

"Obviously! Thank you!" he said.

"Guys? Hello?! Snotlout? Astrid?!" Fishlegs said, shakily.

"But I highly doubt that would happen, because you probably wouldn't make it out alive!" Astrid finished.

"GUYS!" Fishlegs finally yelled.

"WHAT?!" The feuding pair hollered, in unison.

"Uh, I wouldn't be saying all this in front of Hiccup...you know, because, he's not that thrilled about it either..." Fishelgs said, gesturing to said, green-faced, Viking.

Astrid twisted Snotlout's arm before running towards Hiccup, "But I'm sure _you'll_ do great! You have ten times the brains then Snotlout does," she encouraged.

Hiccup sighed audibly, "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Fishlegs clasped his hands together, "Okay! Now that _that's_ all sorted out, we can discuss the five layers of the test!"

Astrid stared at Fishlegs with a "you've got to be kidding me" look, while Hiccup's face paled dramatically.

"Did you just say...five?" Hiccup croaked.

"Well, kind of..." Fishlegs said nervously.

Hiccup sat up straighter, "What do you mean, 'kind of'."

"Well...there are five _main_ parts to the test, but each section has a different number of steps. For example, the first part only has one step, however, the fourth part has two...maybe three-" Fishlegs paused as he saw Hiccup pale even more, if that was even _possible_, and bit his tongue from revealing how many steps part _five_ had.

Astrid placed a reassuring hand on Hiccup's shoulder, "C'mon, no matter how many steps his test has, we'll help you get through it together. By the time you have to take the test, you should be able to ace it, no problem!" she grinned.

"Astrid, the test in three weeks," Hiccup deadpanned.

Astrid's smile faltered slightly, but didn't completely fade, "Well, then we're going to have to push even harder," she said, "Ruff, Tuff, what did you guys find?"

"We'd thought you'd never ask," Ruffnut grinned, running towards the mountain.

"Alright so first on the menu, we've got this lovely chunk of spiky metal," she started.

"Perfect for dodging lessons," Tuffnut piped in.

"Okay...what else?" Astrid said.

"Aha, my good sir! Er, lady! We've brought some of our most valued, most loved, and most treasured...Zippleback gas eggs!" Tuffnut said, with an incredibly thick accent.

Fishlegs' head leapt up from where it had been previously buried in the book, "Zippleback gas eggs?"

"Well...that's what we call them, anyways..." Tuffnut said.

"It's just some of Barf's gas in an egg shaped container...thing" Ruffnut finished.

"Wait. That's incredible! That could really be useful for dragon training..." Fishlegs trailed off.

"Arggg Fishlegs move over! I'll just have to take care of this myself!" Hiccup growled, pushing Fishlegs away from the book.

Ignoring the protests from the other teens, Hiccup began to read out loud, "**The Ancestral Test**," he drawled, "Well, at least I know I'm reading the right thing," he said sarcastically.

"Uh...isn't that what he's supposed to be doing?" Tuffnut asked.

"Duh, that's why he said so," Ruffnut said.

Rolling his eyes, Hiccup continued, "**The Ancestral Test: The test that all Viking heirs must take before chief hood. If said heir fails this test, he is immediately discouraged from the position of Chief**."

"That's harsh," Fishlegs said.

"Agreed, good sir!" Tuffnut said, accented, of course.

"**However, if the current chief sees fit, said heir may rule the village...with the assistance of a fellow Viking**."

"Ooh ooh, pick me! Pick me!" Ruffnut squealed.

Yes, _squealed_.

"Obviously, it should be me," Snotlout said.

The other teens stared at him, and laughed, "Thor knows it should be anyone _but_ you," Astrid said.

Hiccup pushed on, "The Ancestral test contains seven main parts. Each part containing a different number of sections," he sighed, swallowing and forcing himself to read on, "**Part one: The heir must cross his entire island, a path constructed by the current chief, with only a knife in hand.**"

Fishlegs gasped, "No food?!"

"**The path must consist of the following: Over a mountain, through a forrest, and across a river**."

"Well, there's only one mountain on Berk, so at least that's a start!" Astrid said.

"But there's like, a million forests," Tuffnut said.

"Actually, there's only six, but they vary in difficulty." Fishlegs said.

"...There's a difficulty rating for forests?!" Snotlout asked.

"Oh yes, for instance, Pine Forest is nothing but just a bunch of trees, but Dragon-eye is full of trees-"

"Duh," Snotlout interrupted.

Fishlegs made a face, "As I was saying...full of trees, rouge dragons, rivers, whispering death holes, you know...the not so friendly stuff."

"Wonderful," Hiccup sighed, "**Part two: Sailing to an uninhabited island. The heir must only have a knife, a small satchel of food, and a canteen of water. The heir must only be wearing base clothes, no armor allowed. The island must be at least a four-hour sail away. He must survive on this island for one week. If he returns before, he is disqualified. If he isn't back on time, then a rescue mission should be enforced and sent out**."

"What a great idea!" Ruffnut said, "I volunteer Tuffnut."

Tuffnut huffed in annoyance.

"**Part three: The trek across Brandywine Desert**."

"Oh dear. Oh my. Oh Thor. This is bad, this is very very bad," Fishlegs said, "That's the most dangerous desert in the entire archipelago!"

"It's the middle of winter, it couldn't be _that_ bad," Snotlout said.

"Legend has it, that Brandywine desert is the only spot in the entire archipelago that doesn't ever experience winter. It never has and it never will. The last rainfall was reported over a hundred years ago. Vikings have gone there in search of heat, only to come back as crazy as Bucket, if they even return at all!" Fishlegs whimpered.

"Thank you, Fishlegs," Hiccup said, hitting his head onto the book. He sighed, and lifted his head, "**Said heir must trek halfway through the desert, before stopping to complete section two of the task. Section two: The heir must dig a hole deep enough to stand in. After digging said hole, the heir must retrace his steps back to where he started, exactly. The chief, or one of his most trusted advisors will be waiting at the heir's chosen starting point**."

"Why do their keep calling Hiccup 'said heir'?" Tuffnut asked.

"Because, muttonhead, this book has been used for _all_ the chiefs, not just Hiccup," Snotlout said.

"**Part four: Hand Fishing.**"

"...Why don't I like the sound of that..." Hiccup cringed, "Hand Fishing. Monitored by the chief, or a trusted advisor, said heir-"

"Here we go again," Ruffnut sighed.

Hiccup cleared his throat, "**Said heir must sail to the middle of the ocean, where there are absolutely no islands in sight. From there, said heir**-shut it Tuffnut! You too Ruff!-**must go fishing...without any sort of fishing equipment**. **Said heir is allowed only a knife, no longer than his hand. The heir much be able to catch three fish, varying in different types. In order to accomplish this, said heir may need to sail to different locations. Once the fish are caught, said heir must behead the fish, and bring them back to his island.**"

"Sounds...just lovely," Fishlegs said, stomach churning.

"**Part five: Said heir must travel to Outcast island, and travel across said island, completely undetected as a Viking from a different island. If caught, the heir must find a way out in three days, otherwise he is to be disqualified. Section two: During his trek across the island, said heir is to attend a formal gathering, without revealing his identity. Section three: Said heir must befriend an Outcast. Section four: Said heir must kill a-**"

Hiccup froze, unable to speak.

"Hiccup? Hiccup what is it? Hiccup?" Astrid asked worriedly.

Fishlegs looked over Hiccup's shoulder to where his finger was frozen, and he too paled drastically.

"Oh Thor..." Fishlegs stuttered.

"This is creeping me out..." Ruffnut said, slightly worried.

"Hiccup?" Astrid tried.

Hiccup swallowed, and looked at all of his friends, and with one final glance at Toothless, mumbled something under his breath.

Astrid felt her heart stop. Surely he was mistaken?

"What did you say?" Astrid asked, leaning in close.

Hiccup swallowed, knees shaking harder by the minute, "**Section four: Said heir must kill...a dragon.**"

* * *

I originally had a completely different idea for this story, but I like this version better.

Next chapter: 

-The teens reactions of the final task

-Hiccup arguing with his father about the final task

-The teens begin training Hiccup for Part 1 of the test

Sorry to keep you all waiting! I lost my will to write for a while, but hopefully I'll get back on track. I do plan to finish "Quit Pressuring Me!" before my summer is over, and I hope to update some of my other stories as well.

Thanks for all your support!


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